Change

It has been a while since I have posted anything, and truthfully, it's not that I haven't tried. I really have tried. Four times, to be exact. I have had thoughts flying through my mind at lightning speeds, but until now, have been unable to collect them into any semblance of order.

For the past 5 weeks, I have been in a different part of Asia. To be completely honest, it was not an easy transition. It was hard to leave my cousin, one of the best friends I have ever had, and her sweet, sweet family. After I first arrived here after my week in Hong Kong, I admittedly had a disgusting attitude. I was angry, depressed, and frustrated, and I didn't know why, which only fueled the fire. I started asking myself, "What do I want?" But I couldn't even answer that question. all I knew was what I didn't want. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to go home. As I have been here longer, and have had a lot of time with my Father, I know now that my discomfort was/is from change. I am working at a place that I can't say much about on here, but suffice it to say that is right up my alley. If you know me at all, you can probably guess what I am doing. But as much as I love what I am doing, it is growing and stretching me in so many different ways. My Father has taken both my deepest passion and my darkest frustration and combined them to create the perfect storm, capable only of changing my heart. I believe that the theme of my travels, specifically these last 2 months, is about change. Not changing what is around me. Not about changing social injustices, or changing lives...but about changing my heart. And as I think about the change and painful growth that He is commanding within me, I am reminded of something Don Miller wrote:


“I could not have known then that everybody, every person, has to leave, has to change seasons; they have to or they die. The seasons remind me that I must keep changing, and I want to change because it is God’s way. All my life I have been changing. I changed from a baby to a child, from soft toys to play daggers. I changed into a teenager to drive a car, into a worker to spend some money…Everybody has to change, or they expire. I want to keep my soul fertile for the changes, so things keep getting born in me, so things keep dying when it is time for things to die. I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago, because a mind was made to figure things out, not to read the same page recurrently.”


This resonates so strongly within me, because this change is not easy. It has not been an easy road, but I am starting to see the fruit. For my first few weeks here, I fought it so desperately. I had a few issues with my visa, and I was actually hoping for it to not work out so that I would have to leave sooner. But this was just an attempt to escape the painful growth.

I think the hardest part about changing is facing what is broken. I have to take a good, hard look at the depravity within my own heart. I have to let Him lead me through the dark valley of my own sinfulness, keeping my eyes wide open. But He is faithful. As I have proven myself willing to walk this journey with Him, He has proven Himself faithful to complete the work He has begun in me. The greatest part about change is that after the hard looking and the brokenness, I get to be a part of the redemptive process. I get to see the fruit in my life that comes with change.

I only have 3 weeks left here, and I am torn. Ready to go, yet longing to stay. And like Miller writes, "I want to keep my soul fertile for the changes."

I know that this is very vague with very few details, and I apologize, but for confidentiality reasons, it has to be this way. However, if you want to talk to me personally, I would love to share with you more about what I am doing, and what He is doing. Email or facebook me, and we will talk. :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today I celebrated Thanksgiving...in a very American way. So what all did I do today?

Watched last years Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade...

Poked the baby...

 Played Turkey Bowling...

Stuck hands/other random objects through the railing...

Took family photos...

 Made turkey finger puppets...

and of course, ate tons of yummy WESTERN thanksgiving food! We also watched Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving, and went for a walk in the park so the kiddos could play in the bouncy house. Ok, and a few adults too. Pretty much the only thing missing is Black Friday. *sigh*

It was a really great day, and for a while, (mostly while watching the parade and eating turkey), I felt like I was back in the states. It's amazing to me how the simplest things have this way of transcending over thousands of miles. 

Happy Thanksgiving!!

life for the week

this week, an american couple here had to leave town for a few days, so during the days, i have been hanging out with the 4 kids, helping with their school as needed (i'm ashamed to say that i could no longer do simple algebra. oh boy.) so today we went out to lunch with their (and my) chinese tutor. the little noodle shop that joel picked was a little hole-in-the-wall joint. barely room for a few tables, and cooking food in a way that could not possibly have passed any kind of food preparation standards. let's just suffice it to say that my prayer over the food was more than a prayer of thanksgiving.

The restaurant, with Nathanael still eating

 Me, Yantuan, and Rebekah

i am the worst updater ever. so sorry for the long delay!
in a lot of ways it feels like time is standing still, which probably explains partly why i have felt no rush in writing or journaling. i feel like i have forever. i also think a lot about doing it, and sometimes if i tell myself often enough that i need to do something, then i feel like i've already done it.

but the reality is that time is not standing still at all! in fact, as i went in this week to renew my visa after the first 60 days, i realized that time is doing anything BUT standing still. it is hard to believe that i only have 2 months left with my cousins, and then 2 months in asia after that. so with that slap of reality, here is an update. :)

i have not been terribly busy physically, but i have had a few fun adventures! i went to a wedding, but the couple wanted it to be as western of a wedding as possible. lydia was the flower girl. :) the wedding was nice, but i was not prepared for what happened after the reception dinner! as soon as a table had cleared of people, others swarmed in to collect the leftover food into plastic bags that they pulled out of their purses. it was insane! one lady pulled out a stack of like 40 bags! they gathered around our table waiting for us to finish. and it wasn't like these were really poor people either that really needed the food. the funny thing about it is that it couldn't have been spontaneous. it had to have been planned to some degree. "oh, honey, don't forget the plastic bags! we're going to need those!" people also pilfered the flowers from all around before the wedding was even over? the beautiful flower arch? picked clean just barely after the bride walked through it. and the drive standing by the wedding car? he is guarding the flowers on the car. literally yelling at people who were trying to steal the flowers right off it. unbelievable!

We also took a trip out to a village to visit James' family.  we spent a lot of time at the lake, where lydia and michaela swam and threw rocks. 

It was a holiday, so while we were there, there were all kinds of festivities, including climbing up a ladder of knives!

i have babysat occasionally for an american family with 3 little boys, and have also been spending time with and older couple. mary has been helping me to continue on in working my CR steps. she and dwight and i have also been watching a lot of movies together! they have introduced me to several of theirs, and i have shared some of my favorites.

in a little bit we have some guests coming over, so i need to go help get ready for them. i will post more later!

trying again

i am having a ridiculously hard time getting posts to post. trying again for the bazillionth time.

It's about time...but you'll have to wait

MySpace-Countdown-Clocks

Visa

so i just wanted to update that i did get my visa approved! yay! that's one less thing thats on my to do list. and i'm glad i don't need to mess with reapplying. maybe i was overly stressed about it for no reason, but nevertheless, i am thankful to have it in my hands now! so now, really all thats left is the big countdown. 18 days till i leave. i need to finish up some shopping, and start/finish packing, and spend 2 weeks in indy with my family. the next 2 weeks, i'm sure, will both fly by, and drag on slowly. so excited!!